The term ‘people pleaser’ is not a new one. Most of us know or have run across this type of person. This is someone who is always willing to help and go above and beyond when there’s a project or task to tackle. And often times, people pleasers are called upon when there is a dilemma or emergency because they rarely say no.

These seem like pretty positive characteristics that most would welcome or even work toward incorporating into their own personalities. Or maybe this is you. The only issue is that all too often, people pleasers tend to help, step up, or step in at their own expense. In this case, there is usually a physical and/or emotional toll. 

But why step up when you feel exhausted yourself and have your own fires to put out? Why consistently put your own emotional wellbeing to the side for that friend who keeps emotionally dumping with every phone call?

To go a bit deeper, if this resonates with you, it may even be helpful to consider: Are my choices around pleasing others truly rooted in love or is this fear?

Balance and People Pleasers

Connection and belonging are fundamental in this human experience and the thought of not having it can be scary for some. It is not uncommon to feel that making others happy equates to a happy relationship or even respect. But, can we also consider interactions that honor self while also sustaining these desired connections? This is a possibility that leans toward more balance.

When there is balance within, things are less painful and we generally do not feel emotionally drained.

Three strategies that nurture balance…

* Find ways to make space for yourself on a consistent basis. Loving on yourself is not just about spa days and vacations, it can also, absolutely mean self-check-ins. Take two minutes out of your day to ask: “How do I feel?…Is there anything I need in this moment?” If you can do yourself that honor of checking in and making room for yourself then you are moving toward building self-compassion and consideration for yourself.

** Take inventory of the relationships in your life and ask: Is there balance here…Do I feel the same level of support that I give? This inventory is not about tit for tat or cutting people off; it’s really about taking full survey of your precious energy and whether or not the people in your life value that precious energy. Also, what could it be like to lean into those relationships where you feel fully valued and seen?

***Replenish what is being given. How exhausting it can become to consistently share and support and give without much of that same energy being returned! But honestly, although ideal, it’s not up to anyone else to give back at the same rate or sustain balance for you…it’s up to you to manage your needs around replenishing what is being poured out. 

With that said, each day we have an opportunity to consider and make room for the things that leave us feeling uplifted and good. Continue to make an effort to know your limitations and needs around stability and balance.